tween dressing

here is a pic of me in my new dress posing super awkwardly for the camera.

Yesterday I went shopping with one of my best girlfriends, Janey. We were excited to go to a mall where there was a Forever 21 and were even more excited when we discovered it had a Delia's and a Charlotte Russe.

What is not exciting: spending most of the time realizing I just may be too old to shop at these stores. Or, if I'm not too old now I'm getting there.

Forever 21 was a crazy madhouse. I became too overwhelmed with the loud music and abundance of teens running around going "Ohhhh myyy goddddddddd, that like, looks, so good on you." I felt awkward and ugly.

Being in those stores makes me feel like I was young again and not fitting in with the popular girls. Even though I'm sure no one looked twice at me I was so incredibly self-conscious. I bought nothing at Forever 21 because unfortunately I'm not a size extra small. Why does that size exist?

We went to Delia's and I instantly felt nostalgic. When I was a teen I was always excited for the new Delia's catalog to come out. I relished in dressing trendy and even though it still didn't make me fit in at school I didn't care. Delia's clothes made me feel cool in the sea of Tommy Hilfiger tees and tapered jeans. The girls working at Delia's looked closer to my age but the clothes were obviously for tweens. The workers were dressed up in a way that sort of felt desperate. It was like they went to classes to study how teens dress and talk now and they instantly became part of that world. "These coats are a wicked deal right now," one of them informed me as she said me up for a dressing room. I didn't know what to say so I put on my teen voice and said, "cooooool!"

I bought a coat because it was a wicked deal. It's just a little too small but whatever. Wicked is wicked.

Last store I went to was Charlotte Russe and I found some great dresses. I bought two of them despite my wallet shaking it's nearly empty head at me. They are cute and I will wear them often.

So the ride home Janey and I were talking about people who aren't really into clothes and we talked about "adult" clothes and I don't mean like porn clothes, but just clothes you imagine parents wearing. It really made me wonder when I have to start wearing parent clothes. Eventually I may have to stop shopping at Charlotte Russe but when? I already feel silly being there but I love the clothes. I don't know the meaning of casual clothes and I've never been a business suit type of girl. Is the fact that I'm an artist making it okay for me to still dress the way I do?

Okay okay, I'm only twenty-seven. I realize I can wear the clothes I'm wearing right now without looking like a desperate cougar but how long can I do that? And what do I wear? I think maybe I can eventually switch to the Gap. I can't afford Gap now but that seems like a reasonable step up from Forever 21.

Is it too much to just want to wear beautiful party dresses every day of my life?

Maybe after this is all written I realize it's okay to dress the way I dress and as I age, my tastes will naturally evolve. Or maybe when I'm fifty years old I'll still be shopping at Forever 21 and saying "suck it" to all the haters.

editor's note: my mom informed me I'm actually 28. Obviously I'm in denial.